Crackpot Manor


A Short History 

CrackPot Manor was swiftly built in October 1558 as a country retreat in rural Hertfordshire for the Lord and Lady Pilkington Twerp to entertain the future Queen of England, Elizabeth R or Good Queen Bess as she was to become known a month later.


Huge Shooting Parties and Social gatherings were a part of daily life for the Pilkington Twerps and this continued very happily for hundreds of years.


Tragedy Struck in 2001 at the outbreak of "The War Against Terror," 

The Twerp Dynasty was to come to an abrupt & soggy end, after the Death of Admiral Lord Sebastian Dillup Twerp whom tragically drowned in his own sorrows as his frigate was sunk by nefarious pirates off the coast of Jamaica during a Rum smuggling run that went horribly wrong,


His Wife, The Late Lady Constance Dillup Twerp was distraught on the discovery of her husband's demise & threw herself from the parapets  of the Central Turret of the Manor to her own doom in floods of tears & dispair... leaving behind her, her one & only son & heir Lord Ignascious Syllabub Twerp.... who subsequently went stark raving bonkers, cuckoo, mad & and had to be hidden away.


The Twerp family were pronounced bankrupt & were forced to Sell The Manor to the government who turned the beautiful building & it's grounds into a Hospital & Mental Asylum for returning Soldiers from the War.


Conveniently Lord Ignascious was given a room in the Hospital where he resides to this day with his wife, The Lady Felicity Spanking-Twerp, whom he met at the Manor after she arrived from the front line of the war where she had been as a nurse, She arrived distraught & had gone quite looney tunes herself in the process. They make an interesting and vibrant couple.

There are Many Stories that echo in the Hallways, Banquet Halls, Palatial Ball Rooms and Secret Anti Rooms of the Manor but they are for another day...


Suffice to say that the Manor has recently been bought by developers who wish to turn it into a Luxury Hotel & Spa for a very discerning clientele of nouveau escape their busy and turbulent business lives.


Little do they know that due the the Governments Care in the Community schemes, many of the ex-patients from the former Hospital & Asylum refused to leave the old institution and now have gainful employment as members of staff at The New Luxury Hotel & Spa that is Crackpot Manor.

It will leave you in Stitches


Dying with Laughter.